If you have lived long enough, most likely you have had to deal with your share of difficult people. It is challenging enough to navigate around toxic people but it hits hard when the toxic person is a parent.
I have been there and I know that struggle from first-hand experience.
My mother was the toxic person in my life. It wasn’t always that way. In fact, she was my best friend growing up. Unfortunately she somehow went to the dark side after I left home. It was never the same. She was frequently upset with me and always the victim as she played the victim card whenever she could. Honestly it was emotional torture.
My dad took her side in it all. I mean, he had to live with her so what else could he do?
One thing that toxic people do is they spread misinformation about you to others and that’s what she did. All of my family believed her and things she embellished about the hurts I had afflicted on her. No one was on my side.
I never understood why it was so difficult for her to give me the benefit of the doubt. Never. That’s why we would always exist in this dreadful loop of an on-again, off-again relationship throughout my adult life. I could do several good things but the one time I didn’t, it blew up.
It wasn’t easy, but I had to find a way to find sanity and be happy with my life.
Here are some things that I did to deal with the toxic relationship I had with my mother:
Set boundaries
Yep, it’s easy to say but if you don’t set boundaries, then you will be a total wreck. If they are boundaries that keep your sanity with a toxic person, don’t whimp out it. Stand your ground.
Set Your Thoughts
One of the most important things I realized was that just because a toxic person had an opinion about me didn’t mean it was true.
Put Your Spouse First
If you are married, you spouse takes the priority over your parents. My mother would always try to play the “Honor Thy Father and Mother” guilt card when she wasn’t happy with me. Your honor with your spouse takes precedence over your parents.
Be The Better Person
Don’t fight a toxic person with their own poison. It doesn’t work. Believe me I tried and it backfires. You can’t give a toxic person a dose of their own medicine hoping it will teach them a lesson. All it does it feed them and make them worse.
Pray About It
Oh, I prayed a lot about my troubled relationship with my parents. It was hard and I had no one to encourage me or help me. Prayer helped me to keep my wits and avoid the bitterness that can result from it.
My mother passed away several years ago. I have no regrets. I honestly tried with her and it never worked. It is not my intention to write this to bash my own mother but to help others out there who are tormented by their own toxic relationship. It’s not easy to go through it but you can get through it without losing your mind or forfeit your own happiness.
I heard someone make the statement that “hurting people hurt people”. I think that describes my mother. My mother had mental and physical challenges which I know made it easier for her to be toxic in her relationships. It doesn’t EXCUSE it but it certainly EXPLAINS it. After my mother passed, I was able to reconcile things as I found a deeper understanding of everything. Establish healthy boundaries with the toxic people in your life and stay strong.
