"God hates divorce."
That’s the verse in the Bible that people like to quote when addressing divorce.
Yes, God does hate divorce but He does not hate divorced people.
I grew up in a church that strictly taught that if a person got a divorce that they could not remarry until their ex-spouse died.
I’m sure there were a lot of divorced people praying for their exes to die.
If you ask 10 Christians about divorce and remarriage, you will likely get 10 different views on it.
I have been divorced and remarried. I caused the divorce. I’m not proud of that but I also know that I wasn’t a good husband. No, I didn’t have a string of affairs but I wasn’t the kind of husband I should have been.
I will not go into the details but I want to say that you can’t judge this issue point blank unless you have experienced it yourself.
The first advice is to get counseling. We did and I did. Sometimes there is just no other option.
God forgives. That’s all I can tell you.
I know people who were directly opposed to divorce until divorce affected them or their family.
Some like to refer to the Apostle Paul and his advice on marriage when there is no evidence that he was even married.
In John 8, Jesus was asked about a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. The law at the time was to stone her. They asked Jesus what He thought about it. He didn’t engage in a theological debate or argue the law, He simply asked anyone who was without sin to throw the first stone at her. When they had left, He told the woman to go and sin no more.
When Jesus encountered the woman at the well in John 4, when He asked about her husband she actually had five husbands. He did not tell her to go back to the first one or leave the fifth one. He changed her life right there and she became a new person with a new outlook on life.
I find it disappointing that so many believers want to cast stones at me and others who have divorced and remarried. Some like to brag about the number of years they have been married but there isn’t a trophy for that accomplishment and it doesn’t help if you are miserable and living everyday wishing you could die.
Yep, that’s where I was once.
I have heard some say, “You’re still married to your ex in God’s eyes” but God ain’t blind. He sees completely and more clearly that others do. Just because you remarry doesn’t mean you are “living in adultery”. It is not a continuous sin. That’s the church I came from. It was about law and not much grace. Jesus forgives. Period. None of us are perfect and every marriage isn’t perfect. Our first option shouldn’t be divorce but if we do, we must honor our second chances.
I’m sure my former church thinks that I have “backslidden” or have left God. I haven’t. I left the church but I haven’t left God. Since my divorce, I have spent more time with God than I ever did before.
I am happier now and I am a better husband. I often say that I have a second chance to be a better husband. I’m not perfect but I definitely have a happier life.
So for those of you in a perfect first marriage, I am happy for you but please don’t cast stones at those who didn’t get it right or have made mistakes.
