Unfortunately, there are people in our lives who seemingly live to stir up drama. There is no need for it. Life is hard enough without having to deal with friends, co-workers or family who want to stir up crap for no other reason because of their own selfish motives.
I have lived it. Many times, I have "eaten it" to keep the peace. Several times I have forgiven and moved on even when I wasn't in the wrong. That's when forgiveness sucks. I will be honest. It is painful when you have been hurt by someone and YOU apologize just to keep the peace.
My most difficult relationship and one that caused my greatest pain was my mother. I will just tell the truth here. She put me through hell. The saddest thing was that there was no need for it. None. Even with the drama, it put me in a difficult position. I wanted to have a good relationship with my mother, but I also had to set boundaries. It didn't work and I agonized over it for many years. We would go long periods of time without speaking and then we would try again but the same issues would always come up and she would do something to sabotage it. It was emotional torture.
Sadly, it was a no-win situation. During those years NO ONE was on my side even when they knew how she was treating me. My relatives chose to believe that I was the bad son. No one came to my defense. That's why I don't attend any family reunions or have any relations with them. They picked their side.
I had to manage it the best I could and focus on living my life without a healthy relationship with my mother. It wasn't easy but I pressed through it. It is difficult when you do something someone doesn't like, and they forget all the other good things you have done. I was NEVER given the benefit of the doubt. It was a vicious cycle of hurt.
My mom passed away in 2015. We never resolved our issues, and we weren't speaking when she died. Obviously, I regret that things weren't resolved but I also realized that I did do what I could to have a relationship. Even when you do what you can do, it won't always be enough, and you have to go on knowing you did your part.
When I think back now about my mother, I am reminded that hurting people will hurt people. My mother changed when her father (my Pa-Pa) died in 1989. She was never the same after that. I don't think she cared much about life after that. It seemed like everything offended her and she never could be happy.
People have a reason for how they are. Some like the make an excuse by saying "that's just how they are" but I refuse to accept that. People can change if they really want to. If it's important enough for them they will. The thing I have had to accept is that I couldn't force my mother to act right.
Dealing with drama can be challenging but you can navigate through it. Always seek peace and pursue it if possible. It's important to forgive even if the other person was the one who hurt you. Forgiveness frees you. What the other person does with that is on them. You can only control you and your happiness. Throughout the years of turmoil with my relationship with my mother I would often refer to Romans 12:18 where it says: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." We will never live in peace with everyone, we can only do the part that depends on us.
