"Milton, we're leaving."
I still have this image burned into my memory when my mother opened the door to the Sunday School class. We were visiting a church in Valdosta, Georgia where my dad had once been the pastor. He had been invited to return as the guest preacher on this Sunday. The current pastor was someone that had been friends of my parents when we were living there.
I was puzzled about our sudden departure. My dad was waiting for us in the car. I asked why we were leaving was told that the deacon of the church did not want my dad to preach, and the current pastor caved into his demands.
I will never forget the hurt I saw on my dad's face.
It was one of earliest times I was disappointed by the church - and it wasn't the last time.
We all experience disappointment in people, jobs, family, friends and even sports teams. There are women who are used to being disappointed in men, men disappointed in women and so many other opportunities for us to be disappointed.
When I rode a commuting van to work, the driver would always say "set your expectations low and you won't be disappointed."
Well, unfortunately that doesn't work either.
For me, the church and its people have become frequent opportunities for me to be disappointed. I used to tell people to never loan money to family or church people. I have confided in pastors only to learn later that they had betrayed my confidence.
I won't say that I will never be a part of a church again, but I don't see it happening for me. I have been there and done that already. Many disappointments. Unfortunately, in recent years I have been blindsided even more by preachers and others I once respected who have sold out their message to politicians rather than the Gospel of Christ.
Unfortunately, when we are consistently disappointed by the same people or group, we build walls and never become fully trusting. I know that for myself as I am always waiting for that thing which will confirm yet another disappointment in someone. Growing up as a preacher's kid and moving from church to church I learned to always observe people before opening myself up to anyone and I am still that way today. People will comment on how quiet I am but it's just that protective wall I have been conditioned to put up. If I can trust you then I will open up more.
The most difficult disappointment is when God disappoints us. We know and have been told that God knows best but there are times we really struggle with that. We pray and God doesn't show up. We believe and have faith but are disappointed when our prayers aren't answered. Those are really difficult times when we deal with disappointment. I have been there many times.
I know what the Bible says about Jesus being with us always and never leaving or forsaking us, but I will admit that is difficult to do when He's not in physical form that we can't see or touch. That's why it is ultra-important that we have a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit and relate to Him on HIS level which is Spirit - not physical. Difficult to do? Yes. Impossible to achieve? No. So how do we do that? You do it by doing it. Practice. You can't have a relationship with anyone without making the effort. Same is true for the Holy Spirit. When Jesus left, He told the disciples that He would send the Holy Spirit to be with us. Do you have to be some weird, freaky Christian person to do this? No. In fact, He would prefer you NOT to be a freak and give Him a bad name.
Will this guarantee that we won't ever be disappointed? No. We will still be dealt with the pain and betrayal of disappointment, but we have to learn to not lump everyone in our disappointment expectations. We have to work to keep from assuming EVERYONE in our expected group will disappoint us. I still have a handful of preachers I continue to listen to and try to assume that they are not out to disappoint me as others have in the past. We have to guard against casting a wide net over everyone. We must quite the "EVERYONE" and "ALWAYS" words that feed our expectations of disappointment.
I will be totally honest with you that I am still conditioned to keep my guard up, but I am making more of an effort not to assume the worst and not seeking the information that will confirm my disappointment.
There is absolutely no way we can eliminate or prevent disappointment in our lives. We can only control how we react when disappointments come. We need to have a healthy response and deal with disappointments when they happen and not fall in the "assumption" trap that the same people will always disappoint us.
