I do it because I want you to see the real life of a Christian. I want you to see a real God for real life. The real life of a believer has real problems and real struggles. I am definitely struggling right now. I'm not going to sugar coat it. I'm not going to put a stained glass face on this. This time in my life is a difficult place for me.
Three weeks ago today I was laid off from my job. I never expected it and never saw it coming. It was quite a blow. Today I am feeling totally helpless because I have reached the end of myself. I can't make anyone hire me. There is absolutely nothing I can do to manipulate this situation to work out for me. I did have one promising prospect but that prospect has given me "radio silence" for the past few days.
In these times of helplessness, you can either choice to follow the path of negativity or you can summon the hope that you have in the God that you trust - and have trusted all of your life. This is where I am. So today I woke up early to seek the Lord on my behalf and the verse that I read this morning in Isaiah 64:4 says: "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you who acts on behalf of those who wait for him."
Waiting hasn't been easy for me. I have had many "freak-out moments" where I have felt that stinging feeling of panic inside of me wondering what is going to happen. Thinking those endless "what if" scenarios for what may or may not happen. I have known some of those zealous Christians who seemingly are never affected by the cares and worries of life. I can't relate to those people. Life affects me. I am still human. That doesn't mean I am not a believer. It means that we all will go through life and there is never a time we won't need God's help at some point. We will all face times when we feel helpless but we are never hopeless.
I remind myself that even in those time when I am freaking out that God isn't having a panic attack. He is calm and is not surprised by what is going on. Now, I know that He has a plan but I wish I knew what that plan is. With Him it is all about timing and I have to trust that timing.
When you go through these times you have to look back at times in your past when God has worked things out. I have spent a lot of time doing that. I have tried to keep a journal over the years and it helps to go back to read what I was feeling and the fears I was experiencing and reading how God helped me in those times and reminding myself that God is in control. We can't forget those times. We must remember that God works things together for our good even if we don't see it as good at the moment. That has happened for me more than once in my life.
Be still. That's another thing that's hard to do. When we reach the point where we are totally helpless in a situation we have to have the discipline to be still and let God do what He is doing even if we see nothing happening. Just because see nothing happening doesn't mean nothing is happening. Being still is HARD. If you are like you me, you want to make something happen. You want to force it. There is not time we should act out in desperation no matter how tempting it is.
Pray with affirmation. During these times I have for force myself to pray positive instead of loading up my prayers with how bad things are right now. Pray it forward with faith and trusting in God. Instead of praying the gloom, despair and agony of the situation, I need to fill my prayers with the confidence I have in an almighty God.
So that's where I am.
I'm putting this out there for you to see. If God doesn't do it, it won't be done. You will either see God work this situation out for me or you won't.
So for the handful of you who actually read my blog, I'm putting this out there for you to see. This is the real life of a believer. I feel helpless but I am not hopeless.
