I have a confession to make....at times I can be a bit too sensitive and moody.
There I admitted it.
It is no secret and this is something I struggle with greatly. Some days I'm better than others with managing it but there are times it gets the best of me. It isn't always easy being me.
Recently, this has been tested from a post someone made on social media. I will tell you that I'm still struggling with it. I haven't taken it very well and I want to speak my mind. It has taken incredible restraint NOT to speak my mind about it. Even if I don't respond, I am struggling with this internally.
I haven't always learned the lesson very well but I know that more often than not, when I do decide to speak my mind that it rarely makes things any better and creates more strife in the end. The Bible instructs us to "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." (Colossians 4:6)
So I stew on it and try to find a way through my feelings of offense.
I know today it is common for people to speak their minds but just because you can doesn't mean you should. It is always good to try to keep the peace. It isn't easy.
What's funny is that my blogs or social media posts never get any attention unless I post something that makes someone mad or pisses them off. I can post 10 encouraging posts but the only one that gets any attention is the one that makes someone mad. I know it's the trend to make such posts to get attention but I don't want bad attention.
The Bible says that "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18) But being a peacemaker isn't always the way I want to go. At times I have this fire inside that wants to make someone accountable for what they say, do or post. I want to call them out. Even with me carefully and methodically scripting out my response, it rarely has the result that I think it will have in my mind and I am usually the one who ends up having to apologize for my reaction.
I have always been the person who has been ignored, pushed to the side or picked last for the team so when I get stirred up and say something it really shocks people and not in a good way. People expect me to be basically invisible yet it amazes me how others can just say whatever they want to say without regard to whether or not it offends others then they are excused by the fact that it's just who they are. But, yet, when a quiet, reserved person speaks up or speaks their mind it is not treated the same way.
No one expects the invisible person to speak up. When we do, we are accused of being too sensitive or moody.
When I was a newbie to social media, I made the mistake to make posts about what I was thinking/feeling and it got me into a lot of trouble at times. I soon learned that if I needed to vent my feelings that instead of Facebook, Twitter or other platforms that I should just put it in my private journal. Honestly, I am pretty close to simply deleting all of my social media apps. It's not because I post things but the things other people post tend to annoy me and I really don't need to see them. Big shocker too is that the image you see someone post isn't always a true depiction of themselves.
When I see things that offend me I have this incredible urge to respond, I have to find the strength to find wisdom. Sometimes it's okay to respond and call someone out but it is a challenge to do so with wisdom. I find myself lacking in the wisdom department. Quiet honestly I am a bit slow in thinking before speaking. Too many times the words have come out which don't match up with what I am trying to express from my thoughts. Gets me in trouble every time.
So, most of the time I end up having to eat it. I get offended and I just have to ride it out. I hate it because it makes me feel like I'm being a chicken. I have a right to speak up don't I? I feel what I feel so what's wrong with me saying what's on my mind? Those that know me really well know that I will put up with crap for a long time before saying or doing something.
I don't always have the right response to these times or these feelings. I could give you this idea that the Lord helps me. I'm sure He does but it ain't a pretty Christian cliché with me. It's quite a bumpy ride. Yes, I usually "eat it" but it takes a while for me to digest it. I throw in some Bible verses in the blog but I assure you it is easier to insert those verses than it is to actually DO what they say.
So what works when struggling with this?
One thing that works about 99% of the time is to avoid responding immediately. Responding in the heat of the moment isn't usually a good idea.
Prayer and meditation helps. Taking a timeout mentally and spiritually sometimes calms down the emotions. I know this sounds good but I will admit that it isn't fun. It's like take a spoonful of medicine that doesn't taste good. I won't tell you it always works either. Honestly sometimes we all can get so worked up that we don't allow anything to help.
Some have suggested to write a letter to the person and don't send it but that never works for me. It only makes me mad all over again. You can try it and it might work for you but it hasn't done it for me.
I know we live in a country where people spout that they have freedom of speech but it takes wisdom to determine whether or not you should speak your mind. Words hurt so we should use them wisely.
So do I still want to speak my mind right now? Heck yeah but I'm working on it. It's going to take time. Sometimes it takes longer than other times to let something go.
Let's all try to do a better job in analyzing our social media lifestyle and try to use wisdom in what we post and how we respond.
