People have often said that I cut my teeth on the church pews and was fortunate that I was raised in a Christian home.
Not so fast my friend.
Yes, I was taught about Jesus at an early age and it was a good foundation to start my life; however, that foundation has required a LOT of remodeling over the course of my life. I would say that I was raised in a “church” home instead of a Christian home.
There is a difference.
In my early years, the church was our lives. My dad was a minister and we were a part of a church organization which had strict teachings and claimed to be THE exclusive church. It was a cult. We were taught that our church was the one true church and the “bride of Christ”. (Yes we were told that and believed it). I have said many times that you don’t know you are in a cult until you are out of it.
Just like when you build a house, you have to start with a good foundation because if it's going to last you need it to be strong if it is going to survive the storms of life. Also, how we start out isn't how it is going to be in the end.
Although I was taught about God at an early age, I have had to do a lot of work on that foundation over the years.
Trust me when I tell you that my journey has taken a lot of work. I have had to unlearn many things which were presented as being church teachings when they didn’t make much sense.
I remember that we had something called “advice to members” which was really a list of don’ts. Although the word “advice" was in the title, it was definitely a rule book that people used to measure how spiritual they were. In the same document, it stated that "wearing shorts in public should never be practiced" there was also advice about taking part in the singing yet no one was ever reprimanded for not singing.
On one occasion, they even turned people out of the church for wearing shorts in public. Never once did they turn anyone out for not singing.
Crazy don't you think?
Yes, it was. I know this now. I didn't know it then.
So, as the years passed and I grew older, I had to tear away some old things that were on the foundation of my life for something that was better. One of the important things I have learned over the past several years is that a relationship with God isn't about going to church. To be perfectly honest with you going to church actually hindered my relationship with God. As shocking as it might sound, God isn't interested in your church attendance record. In my final years of being a member of the church, I was more miserable after Sunday church service than I was when I had arrived. There was something wrong with that and it was something that needed to be remodeled in my life.
My parents were all about the church. The church to them was the same as God. They wrapped themselves in the church flag (yes, we had one of those too). Sadly, the church ultimately betrayed them in the end.
I always questioned these teachings. The one about not wearing shorts always confused me. My dad was strict about it and we never wore shorts regardless of how hot the summers were. In fact, once when my PE class in school decided that everyone would wear PE uniforms, my dad protested wearing shorts and told the school I was not allowed to wear shorts for religious reasons. You can imagine how popular I was after that.
I also remember the issue the church had with wearing rings. When the church finally allowed the wearing of wedding rings, I let our local pastor know that I was going to wear my wedding ring to church. The pastor informed me that he was "floored" and "deeply disappointed in me" and "what would my grandfather think". Yes, he actually used those guilt trip phrases. My point was that wearing a wedding ring wasn't going to change me. I learned years later that he had a secret meeting with the men of the church to decide whether or not I could continue with any leadership positions. It's a good thing I didn't know of this clandestine meeting at the time or I would have left that church a lot sooner. So, do you know what happened? I wore the wedding ring and eventually others starting doing the same thing.
Today it's a non-issue.
Some things are just plain silly and should have never been an issue in the first place. I unlearned a lot of things along the way.
There came a time when I had to start the rebuilding of my foundation. I just didn’t fit in with a church where they were speaking in tongues, jumping around and overwhelmed with emotionalism. I didn’t find God in the screaming and loud preaching. I found Him in the silence.
It wasn’t an easy remodeling process because people had expectations and I would have to disappoint them. But if I stayed just to avoid disappointing others, I would have had a miserable life. Sometimes it takes courage to make the changes you have to make for a better life.
I could quote you some Bible verses to support this post but I’m not. Everyone has their own journey. No, we don’t get it right in building our lives so we have to keep working on it with remodeling, additions and fixing those things to make our lives better. It’s not always easy but it’s worth it.
Don’t just stay in a life because you are afraid of disappointing other people. Why be miserable just to make others happy?
God isn’t waiting for us to disappoint Him. He just wants a relationship with you and wants the best for your life. Don’t substitute church or following rules for God. Be who you are and build your life on the right foundation.
