I have spent most of my life on the sidelines. As a person with an introvert personality that’s how it goes for us.
My childhood was formed by fear.
Fear of getting in trouble.
Fear of being made fun of.
Fear of getting hurt.
Fear of disappointing people.
I have never been included in the “in” crowd. I’m always on the sidelines. I have accepted it as I have grown older. I haven’t always liked it but I have learned to be happy with me. It doesn't bother me as much now as I am older - and hopefully wiser - than it did in my younger years.
It’s hard sometimes when you are invisible to others. Many times I am quiet because when I speak no one hears me. I don’t force it. I had someone once who told everyone else to be quiet so I could speak. That is NOT what we need or want. Drawing attention to an introvert is the cruelest thing you could do. Being quiet has led to people drawing inaccurate assumptions about me. Growing up as a preacher's kid and moving around a lot I became conditioned to observing first and slow to opening up to new people. Over the years that has been my way to adapt to new people but many times people have interpreting that as me being shy, moody, mad, anti-social and other negative assumptions.
This is also made it challenging for me to have friends. I don't have a "buddy" like most guys do but it hasn't been for a lack of effort on my part and usually that has been the problem - it has be MY effort to develop or maintain a friendship.
There was once a guy that I would see occasionally who would always put it on me by always saying "Hey Milton we need to get together sometime." He would say that every time until I finally decided to take him up on it. Now, don't misunderstand me, I didn't do this for negative reasons but I really did want to be friends with this guy because I thought he was a good guy to be friends with. The first two times I attempted to "get together" he bailed on me. The third time he gave me the excuse that his wife said he needed to stay home because he hurt his toe.
Seriously?
Oddly enough when HE needed an extra person for a golf tournament who do you think he called?
That was the end of that.
Honestly, I'm not a difficult person to be friends with it's just that I don't like the one-sided deal and it seems I have always ended up being the one putting forth the effort and never really understood why. I still don't.
As an introvert, you are on the sidelines and not given a thought until someone needs something that you are able to do.
For many years I either attended or worked in church camp during the summer. I was never a part of the in crowd and you will never find photo evidence that I was ever there. The popular ones were in the photos. I was not in that group. But if something needed to be cleaned or someone needed something, you bet they remembered me then.
Most recently a former supervisor messaged me on Facebook after 10 years asking if I could assist her with copying photos to a DVD for her. No "hello" or "how have you been?"
Are you kidding me?
It used to bother me much more than it does now although I will admit that I still have some moments when it does. I had also wondered if people would consider me more if I were wealthy but then again do I want people to include me solely because I have money?
I have had to learn to be comfortable with being who I am - not based on how others treat me. If you identify with this let me tell you that you are important and your importance should never be tied to being accepted by the group. We are who we are. We need to embrace it. When I am in a group and get pushed to the side or appear invisible to the group I don't compete for attention nor do I seek it. I find my space where I am. I won't force myself on anyone but I will observe and if there is something I can contribute or do I will but the key to this is not to force anything. It is what it is. I don't pretend to have it all figured out because I still get bothered by being overlooked or pushed to the side but I'm better at handling it than I used to be. You are the one who can control you and how you feel.
I often see myself as that backup quarterback on the sidelines with the headset and clipboard. I may not be IN the game but I am still engaged in what is going on.
