My father passed away almost three years ago. Even in the time I spent with him in the last weeks of his life, he still never could say those words to me. There's just something about a father giving that approval "blessing" to their child that fills a void.
I spent too much of my early adult life trying to gain my father's approval. I finally realized that it wasn't going to happen and that I needed to live my life and be happy instead of trying to please him. It also wasn't that I wanted to be happy in defiance of him but to not allow his lack of approval to consume me. That was one valuable lesson I learned in the father-son relationship. If there is anything I can say to you it's that you shouldn't live your life being consumed with your father's approval.
My father wasn't a bad father, I just don't think he knew how to be a father to me. Although I see some of him in me, I am not exactly like him. To be fair, he just wasn't one that was open with his feelings. For years the explanation to me was "you know how your daddy is". I never liked that explanation but what was I going to do about it? Approval was a vain pursuit.
Some people go out of their minds in their need to get their father's approval. They follow the same career paths or do the things that they feel that their father would approve. We focus so much on obtaining that elusive approval while we are miserable and unhappy.
If you are caught up in the quest for your father's approval I have some very important advice for you: Live your own life. Be happy in being you.
My dad wasn't a bad man, he just never understood me. I would have loved to hear him say that he was proud of me but I didn't let that ruin my life. You and I have a heavenly father who loves us and approves of us. Sure, we don't always do the right thing but He works with us in our lives and not against us. You know I have always known that but it's pretty darn hard to understand. It takes a lot to separate the attributes of our heavenly father from our earthly father. It's not an easy task.
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
(Colossians 3:23-24)
So what if you father doesn't tell you he's proud of you. Is his opinion of you that important? He may have an opinion about your life but that doesn't mean he's right. You have to live for yourself. You run your own race. No one else - not even your father - can run it for you. It is silly to continue to seek his approval. It isn't going to matter. If he doesn't, there certainly isn't any need to force the issue. What's important is to be the father you wanted to have. The best way to make up for a crappy childhood is to be a happy adult. Heal your void for approval by approving of your own children.
If my father were still living I probably wouldn't be posting this blog but I'm doing it now not to make him look bad but to speak to those who are starving for approval from their fathers as we celebrate Father's Day. The addiction to approval can cause you to live a frustrating live if you let it. Don't let it rule you.
So, if you have sons or daughters PLEASE let them know you are proud of them. It means more than anything else you could give them. If you are a son or daughter and. you don't get his approval, push through it and find your own happiness without the need for his approval.
I love my dad and thankful I had the last couple of weeks of his life with him. I think we understood each other a whole lot better at the end. No, he never gave me the approval "blessing" but I didn't need it at that point and there is no sense of holding onto it. Don't spend your life chasing his approval, just be the best person you can be.
When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. (Psalm 27:10)
