Thoughts About Making the Effort

I am an introvert.  I have been all of my life.  I learned to be quiet and observe others before opening myself up.  Once I open up, people see a different side of me.  

I always lived in fear of people making fun of me.  Unfortunately it happened a lot. 

I’m not always good at initiating a conversation.  I have found myself with people where I had to do it.  It takes a lot out of me and honestly sometimes I don’t want to make the effort so I will retreat into my quiet space.  So many times people have made the assumption that when I am quiet that I am mad at them.  Quiet shouldn’t always be assumed to be negative.  My quiet times are often times of restoring and recharging myself.  

Many times people misunderstand introverts and our behaviors.  It takes a lot for us to open up and feel comfortable with others.  If not, we fade into the background.  I am usually okay with that.  It helps me to stand back and observe while picking my moments to join in.  

I have learned to accept how I am.  I wasted too much of my life trying to fit in but I have learned to accept myself now.  I’m too old to change now. Having fought the battle with low self-esteem most of my life I can give you some very helpful advice - don’t fight that battle.  Accept yourself for who you are. You will never be happy until you can accept who you are.  We all have our good, bad and quirky ways. We have to accept it.  We can change the things we can change and accept what has formed us.  

Someone said that “when you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins.  At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.”  

A pivotal moment came in my life years ago when I heard a quote from a movie which asked the main character - “Are you ready to be who you are?”   We don’t have to put pressure on ourselves to be the person everyone else expects us to be.  I don’t always have to make the effort to initiate a conversation and I can be okay with that.  Whatever assumptions others make about that is on them.  I can explain it if asked but I can’t control what they assume.  I am allowed to either step forward and make the effort or I can fade back into oblivion and allow myself to do that.

When People Disappoint Us

“Milton, I am disappointed in you."

Those words hit me hard when a former pastor said those to me many years ago. The issue he was disappointed in me about was very trivial but it was still difficult to hear.

It wasn't the first time nor that last time I have disappointed someone. I have also suffered some stingy disappointment myself. We all have.

If you live long enough people are going to disappoint you. 

Sometimes we either set our expectations too high for people to meet.  There are also times when we get burned so many times that we look for reasons to be disappointed.  We look for reasons to be disappointed so we can confirm those expectations.

Life is not a journey without people letting us down.  If there is one thing I learned about being disappointed in people is that it will happen but can't allow it to cause us to expect everyone to let us down. People are human and imperfect. We have to understand that.  Sometimes people fail us.  It isn’t always intentional.  When it happens we can’t let it overcome us.  

If someone disappoints us, we should first give them a chance to explain.  Sometimes it could be a misunderstanding.  If it isn’t, we have to be willing to forgive and reconcile the relationship with the person who disappointed us.  If forgiveness doesn’t work then we just need to walk away.  

Has this person done this before?  Is this a recurring thing?

Sometimes you just have to let it go.  Don’t hang onto it and don’t let the negative feeling become emotional baggage.  

Also remember that you have disappointed people too. How would we want to be treated if we were the ones who disappointed someone?

Disappointment stings. It hurts. There are people right now we all can think of that are a disappointment to us. They have either done or said something that changed our relationship with them in some way. Sadly, people will let us down but we have to be quick to bounce back from the disappointment. We can overcome it and decide how to navigate through it. Maybe it means we have to permanently end our relationship with someone or it may also mean that we must negotiate how a relationship will proceed from the disappointment. In my own life I can look back and see those examples. With some I have had to burn bridges and move on from the disappointment and others where issues were resolved and continued.

Don't look for chances to be disappointed because you will find it. Instead, be someone that responds better to it and learns from it.

Life Is Messy

Life is messy. 

There are times that my own life has had its messy moments. We all have. We have all had those moments we would like to forget. Life doesn’t always work out like we have planned but it always works out.

Our journey in this life has many twists and turns. It is filled with ups and downs. We are formed by the decisions we make. Making decisions is just a part of life. We do the best we can. I used to be obsessed with making the absolutely perfect decision but I have learned that you can’t predict the future and you can only make decisions based on the information you have - not on the what ifs.

We have to navigate through the messy parts of our lives. We figure out who we are when we are going through the messes.

I will admit to you that I get rattled sometimes. While I have faith in God and trust in Him, I am not perfect and I let things get to me and worry too much about things that happen to me. I try to have peace but sometimes that peace isn’t there for me. I have to regroup and regain my focus.

When life is messy, God is not surprised by the chaos, mistakes, or unexpected detours, but instead remains present, faithful, and actively working to shape us. It’s easy to have faith when we are jamming to our favorite praise and worship songs but real life is not a Jesus musical. Real life can be challenging and pretty frustrating at times.

When we are going through the messy parts, we have to recognize that these times will come. We can’t avoid them. The only way to get through them is to get through them. Acknowledge it instead of panicking or trying to force changes based on our emotions at the moment. We have to keep our emotions stable.

Faith requires that we believe even if we don’t see it. We can only control the things we can control When we are going through the messes, we also need to trust in the support of the people we trust. There are people on your side. Lean on their strength and always seek wise counsel.

We have all messed up at some point but if we look back at those times we see what we have learned and how we have grown through those times. Jesus told us that in this life we would have tribulations. He didn’t sugar coat so we can expect it but He did tell us that despite the struggles, the core message is that He is our source of hope and comfort.

We can’t control every aspect of life but we can choose how we respond to the mess.