Tales of the Church: Lord of the Rings

I was recently thinking about my experience with rings and jewelry. Let me tell you a little story about it...

Let me give you some background here.

I grew up in a church denomination which taught that wearing jewelry was a sin.  Some in the same church today might dispute this however, I witnessed firsthand that we used to turn people out of the church for wearing rings.  Yes, I know how that sounds but you didn't live it like I did.

From an early age I was conditioned to look at someone wearing rings as an indication of whether or not they were a "true" Christian.  We were strictly prohibited by our church against wearing rings or any form of jewelry because it was “worldly”.  We were told not to wear "gold for ornament".

You can imagine the struggles I had when I started dating a girl who didn't attend our church. Yes, this was considered rebellious for someone like me. At this time in my life, I had already left home and living on my own but was still under the pressure of pleasing others and the church teachings.  When the relationship got serious and time to propose marriage, I knew she didn't understand my church and the ring issue, so I decided to propose with an engagement ring.  

When I told my father, his first comment wasn't one of congratulations.  Instead, he asked:  "Did you get her a ring?"  When I told him I had, he said:  "Well, that's the first mistake right there."   So that began a turbulent time for me and my relationship.  Sadly, I eventually caved in and broke off the engagement since she wasn't a "church" girl, and I am sure the ring issue was a huge part of that.  Silly?  Yes, it was but, again, you weren't living it and can’t understand the overwhelming pressure I faced at the time.

Fast forward about 20 years.... I was married (without wedding rings) and the church was exploring the idea of relaxing their teachings on jewelry and decided to "allow" wedding rings.  This issue created an incredible debate in the church.  If you weren't part of our church, you simply have no idea.  It was a HUGE debate that went back and forth.  Even though the church organization eventually ruled that it was okay to wear wedding rings, some local churches still resisted depending on the personal view of the local pastor.

The local church I attended was one of those.  My wife wanted to wear the rings.  I was still in turmoil about it.  I didn't think it was wrong, but I was having anxiety about being the only ones doing it.  Our local pastor was totally against it.  When we decided to wear our wedding rings, the pastor asked to meet with me about it.  In the meeting I told him that we were going to wear our wedding rings to church.  He told me that he was "very disappointed in our decision and that my grandfather would not have been pleased with it."  Yes, he definitely pulled the guilt card on me.  He went on to ask us to wait a week so he could prepare for us coming to church wearing the rings.  Yes, I know how that sounds.  I lived it.

Many years later I learned that the pastor had a secret meeting with the other men in the church to decide whether or not we should have any leadership roles in the church simply because we were going to wear our wedding bands.  Fortunately, the men decided it was okay, and we were "allowed" to continue in the church.  I can tell you that if I had known this information then, things might have turned out a whole lot differently.  

When the Sunday arrived, I was dreading it, but we walked in with our rings on, and it felt like everyone's eyes were looking at the rings.  Some ignorant ones did make their jabs about the rings. For weeks that followed, we even had someone who would anonymously leave messages on our answering machine with comments about the rings.  We finally discovered who it was.  It was a teenage girl of another church member.  When her mother found out, they met us and apologized.

It all sounds crazy and looking back now it was totally ridiculous to be judged totally on wearing rings.  A funny thing happened as a result of that where others also started wearing rings and years later one church member thanks us for breaking the ice. 

This whole ring experience changed me.  In fact, when I was a teenager, I read Romans 14 where it talked about people who had different beliefs and still accepting them as believers.  When I pointed this chapter out to my dad during the proposal situation earlier, he immediately informed me that I wasn't interpreting that chapter correctly - when, in fact, I was just reading it and understanding it as it was written.  There wasn’t any super-secret decoding of that passage.

Today, rings/jewelry aren't a big deal to me.  I don't use it as a tool to judge anyone.  I have learned it is more important to judge people on their actions rather than any jewelry they wear.  I have known people who have never worn jewelry to be just as vile and evil than a person who does.  

I look back now and see how silly this whole experience had been.  We certainly wasted too much time and anxiety over trivial issues.  I think the church back then totally missed the point.  The heart is what matters.  

Where Is God When Bad Things Happen?

Bad things happen. 

It is a part of life.

When they do, we often wonder where God was.

I posted something once about God when someone commented to my post "Where Was God At Auschwitz?"  

Certainly we can't ignore the reality of suffering in life and wonder why God allows bad things to happen.

Auschwitz was the largest of the German Nazi concentration camps and extermination centers. Over 1.1 million men, women and children lost their lives there.  It is horrible stain on our history that these events ever took place.  So it is difficult to understand why God would have allowed this to happen.  

Could God have stopped the Holocaust from happening?  Yes, He could have.  Why didn't He?  Where was He?

What we have to understand about God is permission for horrible things to happen to people doesn't mean He approves of them. God’s allowing the Holocaust in no way suggests His approval of it. God is grieved by the sinfulness of man and the hardness of his heart. While nothing can justify the evil of the Holocaust, it did indirectly bring about an advancement in biblical prophecy. The Holocaust was a primary reason the White Paper of 1939 was rescinded, freeing European Jews to immigrate to Israel. Regardless of one’s political stance, the fact is that the 1948 restoration of an independent Jewish state helps to fulfill such biblical prophecies.

The blame for the Holocaust lies squarely on the shoulders of sinful humanity. The Holocaust was the product of sinful choices made by sinful men in rebellion against a holy God. If the Holocaust proves anything, it is the utter depravity of man. The real question of "Why did God allow Auschwitz?" should be "Why Did We?"

We cannot allow horrible things that we don't understand to keep us from trusting in God.  No one can adequately explain why God allows these things to happen.  We have to believe that there must be a reason for it.  We might not like that answer but we don't know the mind of God and not understanding shouldn't determine if we believe in Him or not.  

Even though I post positive things about trusting God, I still have trust issues at times when I suffer loss or experience difficult times in my life.  We all do.  Trusting in God isn't always easy.  I often wonder where God is at times and why He doesn't intervene to help.  I was scrolling recently and read a story about a couple who were leaving for a date in the parking lot of their apartment complex when they were random targets of a kidnapping.  They were taken away, mercilessly tortured and murdered in a community where you would never think something so horrible would happen.  The entire time I was reading this story I also wondered why God didn't send someone by to help them or stop it in some way.  They both died a horrible death for no reason.  

We can also look at the story of Job in the Old Testament.  Many like to point at the patience of Job but if you read the story, he also questioned God after God allowed Satan to take away everything and everyone around him.  Job demanded an explanation from God and in Job 38 God responded.  While there may be evil and suffering that God allows in the world which seems needless, tragic and unjust, God has the wider view and there may be a vast network of factors that make the same tragedy fit into a larger cause and effect pattern that ultimately works together.  It's just impossible for us as humans to know the mind of God and what He's doing.  

Obviously, none of us like that answer.  It really doesn't answer our question when bad things happen to us.  We are finite beings and our brains are not designed to take in the information necessary to make evaluations of God choices.  We are not God.  We are human.  We will never understand these things in this life.  

So where was God in Auschwitz or when our loved one dies?  God is right there with us.  Although He could have prevented it, for some reason He chose not to but that doesn't mean that He is absent.  These are the times our trust is tested.  No, there aren't any easy answers or memes we can post to overcome those questions but we have to find a way to trust God's wisdom when we encounter suffering rather than trying to figure out the reasons for it.

How the *#$% Can You Live with Difficult People?

Ever had to deal with a difficult person in your life?

Haven't we all?

I remember praying desperately once for God to remove a difficult co-worker.  Guess what happened?  He answered my prayer!  The difficult person was transferred to another department only to be replaced by TWO difficult people.

Very funny God.  You have an amazing sense of humor.

Seriously though, I learned a lesson that we will always have the opportunity to deal with the difficult people in our lives.  There is a Proverbs that says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Now I know what that means.

Difficult people challenge us and exposes parts of us that need work.  I often remember working with people who were very smart and arrogant.  I let them intimidate me because they were smarter than me until I finally realized that instead of feeling threatened by them that I needed to open my mind to learn from them.  

We are not going to avoid the difficult people in our lives.  I have stopped trying to pray difficult people out of my life.  Instead, I try to work with what I have been dealt.  Difficult people either knowingly or unknowingly know how to push our buttons and stir us up in some way.  You can agree with me that dealing with such people becomes a test in our how we show love, patience and grace. It's not an easy task.

I worked with a person once who seemingly would go out of his way to needle me and irritate me.  Most of the time I ended up not responding very well and later I was upset with myself on how I responded.  It sure is difficult to be a Christian or be any kind of witness when you are as mad as a hornet at someone.  Did I ever pass the test with this person?  No.  Never did.  I failed miserably every time.  It was a lesson in humility.

So, who pushes your buttons?  You probably immediately thought of someone.  What can you or I do about it?  My main fallback method is to AVOID them at all costs.  That's not the best way to deal with people you don't get along with.  

The important thing is knowing that you are going to have to encounter the difficult person.  This helps you to prepare yourself mentally.  The better you know the personality of this person; you can prepare yourself on how to disarm their comments or difficult behavior.  Sometimes you just have to resort to confronting their actions directly.   I worked with a person who started calling me "Uncle Miltie".  This is a HUGE irritant for me.   After about the second or third time, I stopped and told him that I would appreciate it if he didn't call me that.  I didn't yell or respond badly to him, but he got the point and never did it again.  The main thing is that I overcame my fear of confrontation to set some boundaries with this person.  Besides, he found other ways to be difficult.

What if you are related to the difficult person?

Yeah, that is a tough one but also know that just because someone shares family relations doesn't give them a free pass to be difficult.  If possible, try to respond gently but same issues with boundaries apply here also.  People always excused one of my relatives by saying "well, that's the way he is".   I'm sorry but that excuse doesn't fly with me.  You do NOT have to allow toxic people to rule your life just because they are your aunt, cousin or in-law.  

Sure, as believers in Christ was should always strive to respond with love to others but we live in the REAL world.  Some people are work.  We must try to make the effort, but we aren't superhumans.  The main thing to remember is that you and I have the control on whether or not the difficult person can "push our buttons".  Be confident in who you are.  Avoid taking things personally.  Hurting people usually hurt others.  There is a reason they are difficult.  

Most important of all - don't BE the difficult person.