Do they know you are mad at them?
I know the feeling. I have been there and faced that dilemma when you are upset at someone but you weigh the decision whether to tell them or not. Telling them might blow things up worse than just allowing time for you to get over it.
It is a slippery slope. Keeping it to yourself opens a seriously risk of a permanent grudge to form against that person.
So do you tell or not tell or do you make some slight passive aggressive suggestions? Drop little hints or posts on social media. (Or write a blog about it).
I hate to admit it but I am usually the one who doesn’t tell. At times I can be a bit too sensitive and feel that I need to allow myself to just get over it than to make things worse with a confession to the offending party.
Basically I have to “eat it” and let it go. So how does that work for me? It leaves a bitter taste.
So we are left to making the difficult choice to confront the offender or get over it. Many times when we choose to confront the offender they get mad at us for being mad (I never understand this) or downplay our feelings. Some even get defensive. Rarely have I found that the other person owns up to what they have done and most of the time the offender is genuinely oblivious to the offense.
If we make the choice not to confront them, we have to find a way to get over it. In my older years I have realized how important it is to forgive quickly. I have gotten better at that part but still have difficulty with the forgetting part. Once we forgive, we have to put distance from the offense so we can make it easier to forget it.
It is a dilemma indeed. We feel what we feel but we also must see the importance of keeping the peace. When you love people you give them the benefit of the doubt, you don’t keep score of offenses.
Many years ago I held something so long that it eventually exploded and I essentially dropped a nuclear bomb on a situation and quickly regretted it and lost a friendship in the process. Obviously I let something go on way too long.
If there is a lesson here, it is how timing is so important. Forgive quickly or confront quickly. The longer you hold the offense the more that negativity builds and grows until it becomes a grudge that takes anchor into your emotions.
I have dealt with this in my life. Sadly I have experienced this with my own mother. She was good at holding grudges - even against me. When I would confront her about it, I would ask her why she never would give me the benefit of the doubt that I wouldn’t do something intentionally to hurt her. She let something build and add her own assumptions to it. If we don't resolve issues within ourselves or with the offending party, we will add more "evidence" - real or imagined - against that person.
That’s what we do if we let something continue without dealing with it. Doing nothing resolves nothing.
Each situation is different and we have to carefully weigh the options of either getting over it or confronting the offender. If possible, we should try to live a peace with everyone which means we try to navigate through how to do that. If we don't, it will take away our own peace.
I know the feeling. I have been there and faced that dilemma when you are upset at someone but you weigh the decision whether to tell them or not. Telling them might blow things up worse than just allowing time for you to get over it.
It is a slippery slope. Keeping it to yourself opens a seriously risk of a permanent grudge to form against that person.
So do you tell or not tell or do you make some slight passive aggressive suggestions? Drop little hints or posts on social media. (Or write a blog about it).
I hate to admit it but I am usually the one who doesn’t tell. At times I can be a bit too sensitive and feel that I need to allow myself to just get over it than to make things worse with a confession to the offending party.
Basically I have to “eat it” and let it go. So how does that work for me? It leaves a bitter taste.
So we are left to making the difficult choice to confront the offender or get over it. Many times when we choose to confront the offender they get mad at us for being mad (I never understand this) or downplay our feelings. Some even get defensive. Rarely have I found that the other person owns up to what they have done and most of the time the offender is genuinely oblivious to the offense.
If we make the choice not to confront them, we have to find a way to get over it. In my older years I have realized how important it is to forgive quickly. I have gotten better at that part but still have difficulty with the forgetting part. Once we forgive, we have to put distance from the offense so we can make it easier to forget it.
It is a dilemma indeed. We feel what we feel but we also must see the importance of keeping the peace. When you love people you give them the benefit of the doubt, you don’t keep score of offenses.
Many years ago I held something so long that it eventually exploded and I essentially dropped a nuclear bomb on a situation and quickly regretted it and lost a friendship in the process. Obviously I let something go on way too long.
If there is a lesson here, it is how timing is so important. Forgive quickly or confront quickly. The longer you hold the offense the more that negativity builds and grows until it becomes a grudge that takes anchor into your emotions.
I have dealt with this in my life. Sadly I have experienced this with my own mother. She was good at holding grudges - even against me. When I would confront her about it, I would ask her why she never would give me the benefit of the doubt that I wouldn’t do something intentionally to hurt her. She let something build and add her own assumptions to it. If we don't resolve issues within ourselves or with the offending party, we will add more "evidence" - real or imagined - against that person.
That’s what we do if we let something continue without dealing with it. Doing nothing resolves nothing.
Each situation is different and we have to carefully weigh the options of either getting over it or confronting the offender. If possible, we should try to live a peace with everyone which means we try to navigate through how to do that. If we don't, it will take away our own peace.
